I struggle with the concept of bringing a child into the world because I am not so sure about the world myself.
I feel like God, bringing forth conscious life.
But I do not have a god’s power and I cannot mould that life into what I choose and I cannot protect it forever. You will find out the loneliness of the world and you will be sad.
How can you bring another person into the world when you don’t yet know how to be happy?
Dear baby, The new year begins with fireworks in London to celebrate, according to the Mayor, the city’s relationship with Europe, a knife attack in Manchester, a car driven into New Year’s crowds in Tokyo with intention to kill and abortion legalized in Ireland. You turn your 126th day in the womb. I go home crying and wake at 4.45 to your dad at my door high on cocaine and chewing a lump of hard cheese. You will come roaring and kicking into the world in five months, just as the daffodils begin to wilt, bluebells already faded. I wait for you to kick, a new year event, but there is just the quiet, warm space inside me where you dream of the dark universe of the womb, tiny brain like the Milky Way. You will leave bright comet-tails in your wake. Love, Mummy